How Early Menopause Changed the Way I Think About Having Kids

Early Menopause


The Unexpected Journey into Early Menopause

Early menopause—two words that weren’t supposed to be a part of my vocabulary until much later in life. I had always envisioned a future where I would have the freedom to choose when to start a family. But life had other plans for me.

In this article, I want to share my personal journey through early menopause and how it changed the way I think about having kids. It’s a story of unexpected challenges, emotional upheaval, and ultimately, resilience.

A Personal Reflection

Before we delve into the medical aspects and emotional challenges of early menopause, let’s start with a personal reflection. Early menopause isn’t just a physical condition; it’s a deeply personal experience. I was in my mid-thirties when I received the diagnosis. At that point, I thought I had time on my side, but the universe had different ideas. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks—my fertility window was closing rapidly.

The Impact on Fertility

Before I share my journey, let’s first understand what early menopause means in the context of fertility. Fertility is a topic that often takes a backseat until it becomes a pressing concern. But for women facing early menopause, the urgency of fertility comes crashing in unexpectedly. This article will explore the medical aspects of early menopause and how it impacts fertility.

Understanding Early Menopause

Defining Early Menopause

To comprehend the implications of early menopause, we need to define it. Early menopause, also known as premature menopause, occurs when a woman’s menstrual periods stop before the age of 40. This is a significant departure from the average age of menopause, which is around 51 in the United States.

Causes and Risk Factors

Early menopause can be caused by various factors. Some of these factors are beyond our control, while others are influenced by our lifestyle choices. Genetics, for instance, can play a role in determining the age at which menopause occurs. If your mother or grandmother experienced early menopause, you might be at a higher risk.

The Role of Genetics

The connection between genetics and early menopause is an area of ongoing research. Some studies suggest that specific genetic markers may be associated with early menopause. Understanding the genetic component can provide insights into predicting and managing the condition.

Lifestyle and Environmental Factors

Aside from genetics, lifestyle, and environmental factors also contribute to early menopause. Smoking, for instance, has been linked to an increased risk. Environmental toxins and exposure to certain chemicals can also play a role.

The Emotional Rollercoaster

Early menopause doesn’t just impact the body; it takes a toll on emotional well-being. The abrupt end of one’s reproductive years can trigger a wide range of emotions. Anxiety, grief, anger, and even depression can be part of this rollercoaster journey.

Coping with the Diagnosis

Emotional Responses

When I received my diagnosis, my initial response was shock and denial. I couldn’t believe that something I had taken for granted was slipping away so early in my life. It’s common to go through a range of emotions, and every woman’s experience is unique.

Seeking Support

I soon realized that I couldn’t navigate this journey alone. Seeking support from friends and family was crucial. It’s important to have a safe space to share your feelings and fears.

The Importance of a Medical Team

Medical guidance is another critical aspect of coping with early menopause. Your healthcare provider becomes a crucial part of your support system. They can help you understand your options and make informed decisions.

Treatment Options

There are treatments available to manage the symptoms of early menopause, such as hormone replacement therapy. However, it’s essential to discuss the risks and benefits with your healthcare provider.

Fertility Preservation

The Concept of Fertility Preservation

Fertility preservation becomes a central concern when facing early menopause. It’s a concept that many women, like me, may not have considered until receiving a diagnosis. Fertility preservation involves taking steps to protect your reproductive potential for the future.

Available Methods

Several methods are available for fertility preservation. The most common ones include egg freezing and embryo cryopreservation. These methods involve retrieving and storing eggs or embryos for later use.

Egg Freezing

Egg freezing, or oocyte cryopreservation, is a process where a woman’s eggs are harvested, frozen, and stored for future use. This method allows women to preserve their eggs while they are still viable.

Embryo Cryopreservation

Embryo cryopreservation involves fertilizing eggs with sperm and freezing the resulting embryos. This method is often used by couples undergoing in vitro fertilization (IVF) or for those who wish to preserve embryos for future use.

The Cost of Fertility Preservation

Fertility preservation can be costly. It’s essential to consider the financial aspect and explore options for financial assistance or insurance coverage.

The Emotional Struggles

Navigating Grief

Grief is a common emotional response to the loss of fertility due to early menopause. It’s essential to acknowledge and process this grief. Support from a therapist or support group can be immensely beneficial.

Reevaluating Life Goals

The diagnosis of early menopause can prompt a reevaluation of life goals. This may include redefining what it means to be a parent and exploring other avenues for personal fulfillment.

The Impact on Relationships

Early menopause can also affect relationships. Partners may need to navigate the emotional impact and make decisions together. Open communication is key during this challenging time.

The Decision-Making Process

The journey through early menopause often involves making difficult decisions. This may include choices regarding fertility preservation, adoption, or embracing a child-free life. Each decision comes with its unique set of challenges and considerations.

Alternative Paths to Parenthood


For many women facing early menopause, adoption becomes a viable path to parenthood. It’s a beautiful way to build a family and provide a loving home to a child in need.


Surrogacy is another option that allows women to have biological children even if they cannot carry a pregnancy to term. It involves another woman, the surrogate, carrying the pregnancy.

Blended Families

Blended families, where partners bring children from previous relationships into a new one, can be a rewarding way to experience parenthood.

Embracing Child-Free Living

Some women facing early menopause choose to embrace a child-free life. This decision can lead to a focus on personal growth, career, and other life pursuits.

Rediscovering Personal Identity


Facing early menopause prompted me to engage in deep self-reflection. I had to reevaluate my identity, goals, and aspirations.

New Beginnings

Amidst the challenges, I discovered new beginnings. Embracing change allowed me to explore different aspects of my life.

Career and Personal Growth

Without the immediate demands of parenthood, I found space for career growth and personal development.

Redefining Happiness

Ultimately, early menopause challenged me to redefine happiness. It showed me that there is more than one path to a fulfilling life.

Support Systems and Resources

The Role of Mental Health Professionals

Mental health professionals play a vital role in supporting women facing early menopause. Therapy and counseling can help navigate the emotional challenges.

Online Communities

Online communities and support groups provide a space to connect with others who are going through similar experiences. Sharing stories and advice can be incredibly comforting.

Books and Resources

There are numerous books and resources available that offer guidance on coping with early menopause and exploring alternative paths to parenthood.

Coping Mechanisms

Each woman’s journey is unique, and coping mechanisms vary. Finding healthy ways to cope with the emotional challenges is essential.

The Power of Storytelling

Sharing Experiences

One of the most powerful aspects of navigating early menopause is sharing our experiences. It not only provides support but also raises awareness.

Advocacy and Awareness

Many women who have faced early menopause become advocates, working to raise awareness about the condition and its impact on fertility.

Breaking the Stigma

By sharing our stories, we can help break the stigma surrounding early menopause and fertility challenges. It’s a step toward creating a more inclusive and understanding society.

Finding Strength in Community

In conclusion, early menopause may not have been in my life plan, but it has taught me resilience, the importance of support, and the strength that comes from sharing our stories. While it changed the way I think about having kids, it didn’t diminish my capacity for love, hope, and embracing life’s surprises.


A New Perspective

Early menopause gave me a new perspective on life. It made me realize that there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to family and happiness. While it posed challenges, it also opened doors to unexpected opportunities.

Gratitude in Unexpected Places

I’ve learned to find gratitude in unexpected places. My journey through early menopause, though challenging, has led me to new experiences and personal growth.

Embracing Life’s Surprises

Life is full of surprises, and early menopause was one I didn’t see coming. But it’s shown me that resilience and adaptability can lead to a fulfilling life in unexpected ways.

Hope for the Future

My story is just one among many. I hope that by sharing it, I can offer hope and support to other women facing early menopause and navigating the complex journey of parenthood.

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Written by Emmanuel Nuotah

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